Confucius said, pointing out your parents’ faults should be tactful. Even if your parents do not listen, you should not complain
I believe that most people have problems with their parents more or less for the following reasons.Parents are stubborn and unwilling to change their unhealthy lifestyles, such as eating oily, sugary and salty food despite their poor health.Parents tend to meddle in their children’s affairs. For example, they force their children to choose majors they don’t like.Insist on disciplining grandchildren in your own way;”Forced marriage” and so on.Whenever parents have these behaviors, children can’t help getting angry and trying to change their parents, trying to persuade them to listen to their own.However, it often leads to conflicts rather than convincing parents.Take me as an example. My mother lives alone in the countryside because she got a bad knee from doing farm work when she was young.Every time I remind her to stop carrying heavy things, she always says it’s okay.I can’t help getting angry sometimes and talking at the top of my voice about her.In the sixth season of “You Can Say Something”, there was an issue asking: “Should parents decide to divorce until their children finish the college entrance exam?”The debate invited 50 parents and 50 children to vote in the audience before the debate.The result of the poll was that most of the parents chose to “wait for their children to get divorced after the college entrance examination”, while most of their children chose “do not wait for their children to get divorced after the college entrance examination”.The children’s choices varied from the beginning to the end of the debate, but the vast majority of parents stayed the same throughout.As it turns out, even the best debaters can’t sway parents, let alone their children.So what do children do when they can’t stand their parents’ “flaws” or their over-control?The Master said, “My parents should admonish me.See zhi does not follow, and respect does not violate, labor does not complain.”It means that when serving your parents, you should dissuade them from their mistakes or bad behavior rather than getting angry.But if your parents still don’t listen, don’t blame them, don’t fight with them, still be respectful to your parents, don’t go against their wishes, even if you worry, don’t feel resentful.What Confucius said is not easy to do, but we need to understand that our parents were born and grew up in a different era, their cognition and values must be different from ours, and everyone’s habits and habits formed over the years can not be easily changed because of your dissatisfaction.In addition, Hellinger mentioned in his book “The Order of Love” that the order of family should not be disturbed, if disturbed, misfortune will occur.In other words, parents are parents and children are children. If children teach their parents as if they were children, then children are acting as parents, which is the confusion of order.Therefore, when we gently remind parents, but the parents do not listen, children should not blame and complain, but on the premise of ensuring their safety, follow their wishes.If the parents really want to go their own way and something goes wrong, the children have to help out.If your parents want to impose their will on you, try zhang’s advice: “Gently insist that every time your parents talk to you, just smile and calmly respond.But then I still insist on my own ideas, so over time, my parents feel that they can’t change you, and gradually quit.”For example, you could respond to a parent by saying, “Yes, yes, you’re right. Wait until I have time.””You’re right. Let me think about it.”In a word, if you find your parents are at fault, you should remind them, but whether your parents listen or not, you must not blame, blame or lecture your parents, because you are small, parents are big, small should not control and criticize the big.